P E R S O N A L S

Dear Professors Without Undershirts. I really, really love seeing your chest hair patterns and nipple color through your sheer white button-ups. Your visuals let me pull off the Clam Hands Clemens Caper in under 9 floors. Keep it up, I’m aiming for sub-5 floors! ~sarcastic student

to the hot guy on the 2nd floor of capen...i was so fuckin turned on when i saw you. then you told your friend how bad you had to poop.

Dear Fronczak bathrooms, thank you for replacing the 1-ply toilet paper with 2-ply. Now my fingers don’t rip through when I wipe my ass. I forgot what it’s like to use my fingers for toilet paper.

I recently just transfered here, and was introduced to generation. After reading the first issue, and getting over the shock that I’m no longer at a catholic school and this kind of thing is allowable, i realized that I am IN LOVE with andrew blake. seriously. andrew can we smoke a blunt, bang, then smoke a blunt?

Uh, are you a babe?

To the “straight” guy with the messenger bag-we only hit on you because we know deep down inside you’ve got a little gay in ya, or at least you’d like one.

if you wake up with my dick in your mouth, i’m sorry.

Remember how farts in grade school always smelled like crayons and protractors? Or was that just my farts?

To the hottie in my spanish class, You’re really hot and all, but why does it look like you rub your face with salt and lizard skin before class? are you ok? love, girl that wants to fuck you no matter how scaly you are.

to the guy in my music and society class, i didn’t mean to cut your dick hole with my uncut finger nail when you asked me to get kinky. I’m honestly really sorry. can we still be friends? I’ll give you a my little pony band-aid for the cut.

hey asian girl in the red sweater who skipped me in line for the computers at capen: it’s okay. i feel bad for you on the count of your grotesque man-face; keep hiding it behind computer screens.

Young ninja Panda warrior seeks a strapping young lad willing to accept the Noah treatment. All applicants must be under 8 years of age, and willing to handle the sight of their own blood.

I like to wait an hour and a half between acts at Fall Fest.

Food first. Then sleep. Then comes World Peace. Or a blowjob.

to that guy that came in the toilet in lockwood, your jiz splashed on my ass

to that hot ass bitch in my mth class i will fuck you so hard youll forget your name then when i scream say my name bich youl be like fuck

Dear SA, Please get bands that white people like.

to the asshole who peed on the men’s room floor at starbucks. we have cameras, you know. i’m peeing in yr drink next time you come in. love, your friendly neighborhood barista.

bookstore girl, #23, i’d love to pound the books sometime... and by the books, i mean your sweet, sweet ass

Vision’s mom called, she wants you to stop picking on him

to the two dumb annoying bitches in my linguistics class: are you fucking serious? there is no need to jump out of your seats and scream fucking bloody murder because there is a mosquito in the room... TWICE. no one is ever laughing with you. we are all laughing at you.

to the fat bitch i fucked on friday get a herpes test. my bad

worst pillow talk award goes to fredonia girl- “ i dont use my dads last name cause he abused me when iwas little”.

To the pedestrians of UB - please walk in a straight line. as much fun as it is to crash into you, it is making us late to class. All the best, The bicyclists of UB

Dear bicyclists, have a nice winter. Ha!

Looking for roommate with enormous penis, No Homo. No Homo, but he must like penis sword fights, and spooning (NO HOMO!!!!). Seriously no homo.

seriously, it looks like the freckle monster threw up on you. and nice outfit circa 1992.

this is to the dude in my eco class who spends more time doing his hair for monday morning class than i do for friday night streewalking... um yea go fuck yourself. Your the only one who will.

Anyone else like to fuck with cars waiting for spots in the lots across from flint? it works best if you have two people, right as you reach the lot you split up, forcing the driver to pick who they think has the keys...only to realize neither are actually parked there. Priceless.

so... who’s cock do I have to suck to get a spot in the personals?

Looks like you’re gonna make your momma proud. By the way, you got a little something riiiiiight there. Yeah, you got it.

tarquinus superbus never took any shit

fly by night a-way-uh from heuuuuh

Drunk college magazine editor seekng hot babe for blowjobs, pizza eating and the occasional demolition derby. Must like puns. Send nudes to 315 SU.

What if the goldfish and the teddy grahams went to war? Who would win? I think that gold fish would win because you suck.

To the girl that looks like scary spice in my chemistry lecture....you are hot.... do me

Dear Between the Sheets, where was your article last week? i missed reading about how much of a slut you are then making fun of you.

Dear floor buffing guy, please stop creeping me out when I am high. Thank you. I know you’re not the CIA or a robot, but look, I’m not in the best state of mind, okay? Thank you.

to the bitch in my EE class...your face reminds me of frozen road kill...call a doctor and get your face checked out...and stop saying "like" so much...the only good thing about you is when you farted your sophomore year when you sneezed

to the stuck up self involved ass hat of a woman in my class...the audio was not that loud to hurt your head...and you do not know anything about shit...and you have huge boobs

I use my boner as a towel rack. Yeaaauh.

Oh snap, we’re done. Submit personals online at generation.buffalo.edu or at 315 Student Union. Yee haw!