I hate cold weather. Even after living in Buffalo for three years, I’m still not used to it. The endless task of digging my car out, the below zero wind chill, the never ending mucus and snot that seems to drip out of my nose - I hate it all. And you know what the absolute worst is? This is the time of the year when all the girls begin to trade in their summer dresses and skirts for baggy sweatpants and torn gray hoodies. It’s like some twisted backwards metamorphosis where the beautiful butterfly goes back into its cocoon and emerges a shapeless, lint-covered heap of ugly.

At least I have one last day to soak in the beauty that is the female form. One last day before the oncoming winter sucks out the last remnants of better (and warmer) days.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I’m talking about the glorious tradition of Halloween skanks.

To the woman who first pioneered this now mandatory Halloween activity, you are a goddess. Move over Susan B. Anthony. Take a hike Jane Addams. Your triumphs on breaking the chains of female oppression dwarf in comparison to the first woman who decided that a garter belt and some beads would make a suitable Halloween costume.

First Halloween Skank, you deserve the Nobel Peace Prize. Imagine this idea for world unity: Take a live video feed from any frat house on October 31, and broadcast it in every major city across the globe. At the first sight of a slutty angel doing body shots off the stomach of a half-naked devil, I guarantee the entire world will have a grand epiphany. Tears of joy will be shed, enemies will embrace one another, and war will be no more. U2 will probably commemorate the moment with a really sweet song. Ta-da, instant world peace.

All joking aside, as a 20-year-old heterosexual male, girls dressing up is now by far my favorite thing about Halloween. Have you noticed how Halloween gets better and better as you get older? When you were little, it was the one day in the year when you got to eat free candy all night and stay up as late as you wanted. Then, in your pre-teen years, you got to go out with your friends and TP all your neighbors’ houses. Now, Halloween means I can ogle all the cleavage and ass I want without having to hear remarks like “pervert”, “sicko,” or “Someone call the police, there’s a creepy guy lurking around the Victoria’s Secret dressing rooms.”

I must admit, I do have one slight complaint. Ladies, where’s your creativity? There are too many sexy cops and sexy nurses out there. I want to start seeing some unconventional sexy outfits. On my way to a party in the Heights, I want to see some sexy hobos hanging around a garbage can. Anyone can be a sexy kitten, but what about the other species in the animal kingdom? I don’t know about you, but I fully support more sexy Bavarian Forest Sheep outfits this Halloween. Also, someone please satisfy my inner nerd with a sexy science-related costume. Nothing turns me on more than a skanky Stephen Hawkins, complete with a fully operational wheelchair and rip-away panties. With the elections quickly approaching, it would also be foolish to not consider a sexy politician. Sexy Sarah Palin would be the obvious choice, but don’t be afraid to experiment with a scandalous McCain or Obama attire. America needs change, goddammit.

Now, I know I may come off as a chauvinistic pig, but I don’t mean to. I’m merely a man telling it as it is. No one should criticize these women for showing off their bodies in the name of spreading some good ol’ holiday cheer. To the women who think this is a degrading act, all I can say is, give it a try. You may be surprised at how much power you’ll have over us guys. We can barely focus around pretty girls when you’re wearing clothes, so once you take them off, we’re pretty much obligated to do whatever you, as well as our weiners, tell us to do. Also, did I mention how much I admire you girls? Winter comes pretty early in Buffalo, so it takes some real dedication to walk down Main Street in lingerie while it’s 20 degrees out. The harsh Buffalo wind can do a number on your body, chaffing your thighs and chapping your lips, if you get what I mean.

So to all you sassy and courageous women out there, I salute you this Halloween. Strap on those boots, lose those inhibitions, and get ready to un-tag some photos on Facebook.