C L A S S I F I E D S
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P E R S O N A L S
you are male, therefore: / you can’t take care of yourself / you need your mommy.
south campus parties / should always be free for girls / cause i give great head.
Name for my penis/ Everlasting gob-popper/ Suck it forever
i hate needy boys / who call and text all day long / sex, no strings attached?
i hate when girls pee / all over my bathroom’s seats / and leave it for me.
jinger (verb) - to be / fingered through your jeans, bonus / for penetration!
i wrote so many / god damned fucking haiku poems / i’m thinking in fives.
chinese is roadkill / so i don’t want your flyers / dining hall for me.
jeans tucked into boots / faux suede with no shape at all / you should kill yourself.
beware p-diddy / he’ll kill you if you don’t vote / fuck this let’s get high.
condoms do feel weird / and they smell like thin rubber / let’s all have babies!
i am not ugly / but i will still clean your room / if you’re good in bed.
girls at ub suck / but not dick without a bag / clean my room instead.
leggings are not pants / but you wear them anyway / you look so slutty.
i need to get laid / i have an 8 inch penis / who wants to come fuck?
Jerking off is hard/ When you live in a triple/ And no one will suck
Dear Long Island Hoes/You are all dumb as a shit/Keep guzzling that cum
generation sucks. / just kidding, i love that shit. / go fuck your mother.
Trees above, below/ Babbling brooks and calm streams/ I will shit on you
My Roomate likes beer/and he likes tequila too/so he wets the bed
His girlfriend was here/she did not know of his ways/ she smells like pee too
orgo professor/ your sweaters are horrendous/ and you cannot teach
Oh, And-a-rew Blake/ You suck huge donkey balls, you cunt/ Quit your job loser—-like that haiku?
It’s rather funny / That you can’t count syllables / Go back to first grade.
Dear Research Paper/Why must you rape my asshole?/ Signed: Go Fuck Yourself
i like my poopie / fun to play with, not to eat / i’ll go make some more.
Next time I have sex / I will drink a beer and cry / For the money lost
haikus are stupid / i hate seeing them in here / you goddamn douchebags
Last year’s Flag Room Whore/ Has not been around this year/ And this makes us sad.
when will Simpson use / bioinformatics to / build us a sex bot?
Douches at sweethome / Set off the fire alarm / Learn to use a stove
Girl in Capen 3/You have a real sweet asshole/I want to suck it.
Sweethome bus driver/ Ya know, guy with ponytail/You are the bestest.
snow is yet to cum/like the little asian girl/leaving my balls blue
Sweet home bus drivers: / Let’s drop acid and drag race / Flint Loop, 3 AM
To the Flag Room Whore/ My lap misses your sweet ass/ Sit on it again
Want to smell my dick? / Offer good until I take / A shower. Andrew?
Sweet Home bus drivers: / I give road head. Curious? / Not the black one though
I’m horny as hell/ need dick to satisfy me/cum help a girl out
I would like some cock/ Please make it extremely big/ In my vagina.
Most boys at UB/Not quite lookers there yourselves/Why try hard for you?
commuters, don’t drive / if you cannot park without / hitting my car, thx
seriously, I / only drive once a week and /I’ve been hit five times.
dear richmond cleaners / fix the fucking bathroom fan- / it smells like moist shit
Haikus for Andrew/ So you don’t have to suck cock/ Unless you want to
Dear Buffalo boys/ Stop whining about us girls/ maybe you’ll get laid
Masturbation is/ fun by myself but roomie/ should join me she’s hot!
Personals are great / Too many dudes jerking off / Chick personals please
One two three four five / This is a shitty haiku / Stop reading right now.
Spandex chicks rule school / Its like softcore porn for dudes / Ass and cameltoe.
Generation sucks / Fuckers never print my shit / Drown in goat urine.
cum,cunt,cock,dick,slut / the words of UB women / put it in their ass
sitting in capan / all i want is your small cock / mike put it in me
To love or make love / The most beautiful sunrise / I hate jewish girls
The time is now / I must tell the whole world / That I love my cat...
Scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch / Snif snif scratch scratch purr purr purr / Meow? Meow! Purr? Purr, purr.
Why did you think that / eating five pounds of catnip / would be good for you?
Who pissed on my pants? / Did you piss on my pants, jerk? / I think you did this.
Let me clip your nails / Holy shit that really hurt / We need to cut those
If you were human / I would not masturbate here / while you ate Meow Mix
Why did I give you / my leftover burrito / Now I clean your puke
...Cute, furry, fuzzy / Oh, Radioactive Man / I’ll love you always.
I have a story / Its about my testicles / Ejaculating
Obama, Oprah / Reverend Jeremiah / Trinity of Hell
a dick is cut off / contemplate the misery / nothing is sadder
why do I study? / taking tests is so faggy / the financial aid
Your Vag Smells Like Fish / I Think That Thing Had Some Teeth / It Gave Me The Clap
NASA: Please probe me / Black-hole butt sex is money / AstroNUTT wanted
Like snowflakes falling / We drift away til the spring / Smoke a blut? Ah, yes...
