My roommate considers it polite to ask me how long I will be out of the room at times so that he can masturbate while I’m gone. Is it totally legit for him to tell me so I don’t accidentally walk in? Or is it just plain weird that he’s considering my schedule into his own “happy time”?

MM: I would say it is definitely very courteous of your roommate to take you into consideration. I don’t necessarily know why you would think otherwise, unless for some reason, you perhaps wanted to walk in.

AB: Jesus Christ, if I were you I’d be thanking my lucky stars. I used to ask my roommate when he would be gone so that I could save all my masturbating for while he was in the room. University housing kind of dislikes my, what I like to call, “openness,” so I’ve gotten moved from room to room quite a bit. You could say that there has been a lot of “spreading the love,” during the Andrew Blake UB years. You could also say that I have a serious problem with inappropriate sexual conduct, and I may or may not have a fetish for publicly jerkin’ it to Aerosmith albums.

If, as a UB student, I get stopped by UB police, for being on the UB campus, even though I have a UB parking permit and a valid license, and in a nut shell was harassed, do I or do I not have the right to make sure I do everything in my power to make that cop’s life a living hell?

MM: You definitely don’t have the right to make the cop’s life a living hell. Think about it for a minute: were you really harassed or are you possibly mistaking a minor annoyance for such? Police officers have a pretty hefty duty to make sure everyone’s safe, and if it means an occasional inconvenience for those of us who are innocent so they can properly patrol for those who are not, I think it’s a reasonable sacrifice.

AB: You’ve come to the right place, my friend. I only charge $20/hr for legal fees, and I have a real-life briefcase and everything. Come to my office and let us discuss the legalities of how to take these matters into our own hands. For starters, while, no, harassing a cop is probably not in your rights, shitting in an envelope and mailing it to his kids, is. Weird, huh? We have a lot of work ahead of us if you want to get these gears rolling before the semester ends.

Hi Generation, I love your magazine! You make UB bearable! I have a question that has bugged me since I came back to UB last semester. I am responding to 1/20/09 issue on page 12. Is Mr. Blake really gay? This topic seems to come up in some form throughout most issues of this magazine (last semester). I hope you are. You are truly a hot guy.

MM: Mr. Blake’s sexual orientation is completely irrelevant. It doesn’t matter what gender he chooses for partners, it does not change his level of integrity, professionalism, and dedication to UB’s student body—male or female.

AB: Thank you, no. Wait, uh...are you?

If you get a DQ Blizzard and get it half Oreo and half peanut butter cup, will the universe unfold upon itself?

MM: Speaking from experience—no, it will not.

AB: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, but how FUCKING good does that sound, right? SHIT!

To the I’m Right You’re Wrong crew, is it gay to have a conversation with your roommate while taking a shit in the bathroom?

MM: The only thing in this world that is gay is having sex with another man if you are a man, or having sex with another woman if you are a woman.

AB: Well, that all depends. Is your conversation about how great it feels to suck dick?

I wait patiently for every Monday afternoon so I can turn the pages to see MY personal. Where is it?! Check your e-mails! I just want my nut god-damn it.

MM: It depends on a number of factors. We do filter the personals to avoid anything blatantly hateful, so if you're a bigot, you might want to clean up your act. Otherwise, I highly suggest you try to find another way to get your “nut.” Do people think personals are really that cool?

AB: Hey, I just want your nut too, but you don’t hear me bitching about it. I have to sort through a few hundred of those things a week, and many times in a drunken stupor I hit delete all and pass out watching My Neighbor Totoro. If every other submission wasn’t a hate-fueled tirade brimming with racism, sexual immaturity, and 1337 speak, I wouldn’t hate my life as much. I would still hate it, but at least I wouldn’t have to hear about why Chinese vaginas are more rad than Indian ones.