The nightmare always starts out the same way: I’m trapped in a situation with seemingly no exit. A doctor’s appointment. A family gathering. A holiday dinner. I can see it coming from a mile away. “So…Roger, where do you go to school?” Oh god, not again.
“I go to school in Buffalo.”
“Buffalo, eh? Bet it’s cold up there. HAHAHA.”
“Yep.”
“So, what year are you?”
“I’m a junior.” Please, please, please just end it there.
“What are you studying?” Boom. There it is. The million dollar question.
“I’m an English major.”
“Ohhh. So… you want to be a teacher?” Sigh, and the nightmare continues.
As an English major, I’ve grown accustomed to this highly uncomfortable situation. I think I’m finally getting used to the blank stares and the awkward silence that usually follows each conversation. My favorite part? The looks of pity I receive, as if I just told them someone stepped on my flu-stricken puppy. No one told me this when I declared my major, but apparently “English” sounds a lot like “education,” or in some cases, “unemployed.” Just to be clear, I am not knocking the teaching profession by any means. I’ve had many teachers in my life that have changed me for the better. It takes time, patience, and dedication to be a teacher, and I just don’t think I can handle working with little ankle-biters or snotty high school kids for ten months out of the year.
I suppose I can see the reason for the constant misunderstanding. Unlike a lot of the other concentrations out there, there’s no set occupation behind an English degree. People who study engineering leave school as an engineer. Those that study architecture become architects. Business, businessmen. If you leave college with an English degree and call yourself an Englisher or an Englishist, then you’ve either never paid attention to a single grammar class your entire life, or you’ve become a complete literary elitist, and no longer feel the need to conform to the English language like the rest of us sheep. So without a distinct career path, most people’s minds jump to the first thing they associate with English: An old angry teacher, forcing kids to memorize Shakespeare and writing twenty page papers. It’s an all too common stereotype.
I couldn’t tell you exactly why I chose to become an English major. Maybe it’s the fact that upon moving to the United States when I was five years old, my parents took me to the public library literally every week during the summertime and forced me to check out a book, read it, then write a one page response on what the book was about. Seriously. At an age when other kids were running around playing Power Rangers, I was inside, writing about the underlying conflict in the relationship between Curious George and the Man in the Yellow Hat. After spending my first semester at UB as a nuclear medicine technology major, I realized the only class I had any interest in (or had a passing grade in) was my English 102 class. It also didn’t hurt that my instructor, Holly, was a total hottie. I changed my major sophomore year and have not looked back since.
To all the haters out there, just know that there are a lot of perks that come with being an English major. For one, it’s almost impossible for me to give a wrong answer. If I’m creative enough, and can back up my claim with evidence and support, any answer I give is technically correct. Another benefit is the average girl-to-guy ratio in all of my classes. With the female number seemingly double that of males, every class is a babe metropolis. Being an English major has also given me the ability to make literature-themed jokes, thanks to the buffet of useless facts I’ve picked up over the years. However, not everyone finds my humor nearly as amusing as I do. I recently asked my friends whether or not the strip club Paradise Found in Syracuse was a Milton-inspired topless bar, and no one got it. Bunch of philistines, I tell you.
If there’s one good thing to come out of this economic recession, it’s that the playing field has finally been leveled. Nearly everyone, regardless of major, is having a hard time finding a job. To succeed in today’s economy, it’s all about the experience gained through extracurricular activities. To any and all English majors out there, this is the most important time to put your versatility to use. Industries like journalism, public relations, and advertising are all looking for people who know how to write and write well. Go out there and land some internships. They’ll be essential for getting a career down the road.
Since the end of the semester is quickly approaching, we here at Generation are looking for the next batch of intelligent, witty, and good-looking people to fill our shoes next year. If you’re interested, stop by our office, and check us out. We promise we won’t ask if you’re going to become a teacher.
And Holly, if you read this, meet me on the roof of Clemens. I’ll be waiting for you with open arms.
