Anyone can tell the difference between top-notch and bottom rung beers, but unfortunately for college students, money is a large factor in the decision-making process, and the bottom rung is often the only feasible option. There is often no easy way to decide which bottom rung beer is the best value for the typical college student. That is where this review will come in, creating a system to make the selection process easier using formulas and Excel spreadsheets based on data obtained from normal prices of seven selected beverages at Wegmans, which boasts an incredible spectrum of beer selections.
Accounting for taste is a mere portion of the selection, as price and alcohol content must also be considered. As always, such libations should be imbibed by adults over 21 in a responsible manner. The selections are limited to the lower tiers, thus eliminating such mid-level beers as Labatt, Molson, Coors, or Budweiser. The seven selections are Busch, Milwaukee’s Best, Genesee Cream Ale, Miller High Life, Natural Ice, Keystone, and Pabst Blue Ribbon. Each beer is rated out of five stars and then weighed by a combination of alcohol by volume and price per fluid ounce.
First to be sampled is Busch, a rather bland hoppy lager that is almost watery in flavor, but does go down fairly smoothly as advertised. Anheuser-Busch’s pseudo-eponymously named beer tastes slightly sweet, but has an almost noxious odor. It contains a mere 4.6% alcohol by volume, but has a unit price of 4.85 cents per fluid ounce and receives two stars for taste.
Milwaukee’s Best, colloquially known as “The Beast,” lives up to its nickname. This Miller lager’s taste is somewhat bitter and the smell is even worse. Drinking Milwaukee’s Best is a fairly difficult task to do, but is certainly possible. Even worse is that it has a mere 4.3% alcohol by volume, yet costs 4.85 cents per fluid ounce. If this is Milwaukee’s best, I’d hate to try their worst. Milwaukee’s Best is truly deserving of one star for such swill.
Up next is a local favorite from Rochester: Genesee Cream Ale. It is the most unique beer on the list and has won multiple awards in the cream ale category, as is written on every available space on the can and box. The beer tastes somewhat sweet and goes down smooth, leaving behind a slight malty aftertaste and more carbonation than other beers. When fresh, it is almost good, but goes bad quickly as the carbonation is fast to escape and leave a flat beer. Genesee Cream Ale earns a solid four stars for its taste, contains 5.1% alcohol by volume, and costs 4.85 cents per fluid ounce.
Miller High Life certainly signifies anything but the lifestyle of the rich and famous, but their ads continue to claim otherwise. The Miller product itself is another bland and watery lager, which is good as the taste that is present is certainly nothing to write home about. Miller High Life goes down smoothly, due mostly to how watered down it is. It lacks a distinct odor or flavor, which gives it a mediocre two stars. Miller High Life costs 4.85 cents per fluid ounce and has an alcohol content of 4.7%.
Natural Ice, an Anheuser-Busch product, has the highest alcohol by volume at a whopping 5.9%, but the taste of this malt beverage suffers in proportion to this fact. Natural Ice has a tinny taste and is fairly bitter. Finishing one can of this beer is an act of dedication and is definitely not recommended. Giving this “beverage” one star is an insult to the single star rating, but it still is a beer and as such must be treated with respect. In addition to its high alcohol content, Natural Ice checks in at a mere 4.5 cents per fluid ounce.
Despite its name, Keystone Light has nothing to do with Pennsylvania, the Keystone State. It is a product of Coors and has long been associated with college students, due strictly to its price. Keystone Light often has a slight stale taste but is extremely watered down in an effort to keep the calorie count to a minimum. It makes for a very neutral beer, one that is very forgettable, but easily drinkable. Keystone Light is deserving of three stars, as it couldn’t be called terrible or great, just mediocre. It costs 4.5 cents per fluid ounce and has the lowest alcohol by volume of any of these seven beers with a lowly 4.2%.
The final beer to be reviewed is the ironic hipster alcoholic drink of choice, Pabst Blue Ribbon. Somewhere around the year 2000, it became stylish to drink Pabst and wear trucker hats while going to emo shows. In the years since, trucker hats and emo have gone the way of the buffalo, but Pabst still remains. The Miller brewed beverage is terrible out of the bottle, but the can keeps the taste muted. It is a fairly typical lager in taste and aroma, with no strong drawbacks to it. Pabst gets a solid four stars due to its simple flavor. The unit cost for Pabst Blue Ribbon is 4.85 cents per fluid ounce and contains 4.8% alcohol by volume.
To compile the Ultimate Beer Score, a combination of all the collected data is required. A simple formula is required to do this, multiplying the rating score and alcohol content and then dividing the product by the unit price. This creates an inverse relationship where a lower price leads to a higher score. From the data, Pabst Blue Ribbon is the best option for a value-conscious college student, with Genesee Cream Ale coming in a close second, still a fine option if one would rather avoid the connotation of drinking a hipster beer. The drop off from these two beers is precipitous, reaching its lowest with Milwaukee’s Best, which has absolutely nothing working in its favor.
Hopefully this guide will come in handy when selecting a beer, as it demonstrates that regardless of how strong and cheap Natural Ice is, taste must still factor in at some point.
