What’s wrong with you? You spend all of your time sitting on a stained couch in day-old underwear munching on stale Charleston Chews and drinking coagulated Yoo-Hoo. You bitch about how mainstream music has sucked since Van Halen fired David Lee Roth the second time and how indie music has sucked since Sleater-Kinney decided that power ballads were cool. All the while, you turn a deaf ear to the music that’s mutating in our community thanks to the massive amounts of toxins that reside in our drinking water. Do yourself a favor; go check out the Global Village Idiots, debut album, New W’age Slaves.

Playing what can probably be best described as acid surf avant-garde jazz lullaby circus dance pop, The Global Village Idiots’ satisfy both the part of you that wants complex musical progressions and the part of you that just wants to shake your bon-bon. Multi-instrumentalists, Sakura Paterniti and Dave Gilmet display an impressive array of musical chops. Further, their licks are so smooth that they make augmented ninth scales seem as easy as Kelly Bundy. This is the genius of the Idiots. They never let intellect get in the way of the grooves.

The Global Village Idiots’ live performances are majestic marvels that need to be experienced in order to fully appreciate the beauty of their music. Vocalist, Kristin Gilmet, sings as if she were channeling ancient gypsy pixies and that these evocations are sending her into the throes of passion. Don’t expect bland, cookie-cutter music here, folks. Even the more mainstream songs like "General Jack Cosmo" challenge the conventions of modern pop music. Drummer, Korndog McGee, is driven by percussionistic demons so fierce, he has to, at times, resort to banging on various metal objects to appease them.

If I have any complaints about The Global Village Idiots’ debut album, New W’age Slaves, it’s that the disc can’t match the intensity of their concert performances. Even the live cuts included, "Mama Wish She Had a Circus Freak," and "Jake Snake," fail to showcase the band’s ability to transport your mind into the fifth dimension while simultaneously causing your buttocks to wiggle uncontrollably from side to side. Of course, that’s a petty complaint. The band’s music is too ethereal to be captured on such a lowly technological device as a compact disc. Pick this album up to familiarize yourself with the songs, then go check out the Global Village Idiots next time they’re performing.