I had tickets to go see the play Jeckyll & Hyde (unfortunately, before Sebastian Bach joined the cast). My mom had bought season tickets to Shea's in an attempt to become more cultured. But she didn't particularly want to go see this play so I took the tickets. I thought I could impress Emily by taking her to the theatre. Hell, she may even have wanted to hold my hand afterwards.

With my backpack slung over one shoulder, I nervously walked down Lisbon. I considered several times turning around and going home. I became unsure of myself. What would I say when I got there? Would she even be home?

When I reached her place, I could feel my heart in my throat. But I knew I needed to bite the bullet, even if only to see her once again. I stepped onto the porch and rang her doorbell. Someone once said that the waiting was the hardest part. This is an understatement.

I leaned against the railing, waiting for that familiar sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. Only silence. Well, not complete silence. There was the ambient sound of the world outside. Maybe she hadn't heard the doorbell. I gave it another ring.

Nothing.

It's entirely plausible that she was occupied with something that caused her to not hear the first two doorbells, like... Ah, hell, third time's a charm, anyway.

As I rang it a third time, a car pulled into the driveway. I looked to see if it was her or even possibly one of her roommates. It was a young, semi-formally dressed Korean guy that I didn't know. He walked onto the porch and looked at me.

"Are you here to see the people upstairs?" he asked.

I nodded in affirmation.

"Yeah, I need to speak to them as well."

He rang the doorbell, then opened the front door and waited inside the hallway. I guess he lived in the downstairs apartment. Then there was the sound of footsteps. Emily came down the stairs.

I'm sure it was just coincidence that she appeared when he rang the doorbell. But coincidence is hit or miss.

Now, Emily isn't an example of classical beauty, with her slightly frumpish figure and sleepy eyes. But I always found a certain radiance within her, even when she seemed as if she had just been woken, as was the case now. Seeing her again made me want to run up to her, take her into my arms, and hold her forever. But I'm not a very passionate guy. I held back.

She looked at the Korean guy and exchanged greetings with him.

"I just wanted to let you know that we're having a party Saturday," he said.

"Okay," she replied.

"And you're invited. You and your roommates. You can even invite your aunt if you want."

Emily has a really cool aunt. I hung out with her a couple of times. But that's not really relevant to my story, so I'll refrain from going into it further.

Emily nodded and said to him, "Yeah, that sounds good."

"Okay, yeah, well, uhm, so just let the others know."

"Mm, yeah, I'll do that as soon as they come home."

"Okay."

Emily turned and began to head back up the stairs. Now, I know what you're thinking, but she wasn't intentionally ignoring me. I was positioned off to the side and couldn't really be seen from the hallway, where Emily had been all through her conversation with the Korean guy. Plus, I have a tendency to be not noticed.

Luckily, the Korean guy stopped her and told her there was someone here to see her. She stepped out of the hallway and finally saw me. She seemed surprised, but not necessarily in a bad way.

"Oh hey. What're you doing here?" she asked in a fairly jovial manner.

"Well, I came by to see you," I told her.

She invited me in, and I followed her upstairs. We went into the living room. I sat down on the couch and dropped my backpack by my feet. Emily curled up on an easychair and wrapped a blanket around herself. I couldn't help but think of all the ways I could warm her up.

"So, how are you?" she asked.

"I'm... I'm good. I mean, I've been better, but still I can't complain." Yes, I really do sound that retarded when I speak to girls.

"That's good."

"How about you?" I inquired.

At about this point, she yawned. Now, I'm not the type of person to get offended by yawning, so I really didn't care that she did it. But still, she apologized and explained that she had been sleeping when I arrived. If she's always napping around this time on Thursday, that would explain why she seemed a bit grumpy all those times I called her.

So I decided that I owe her an apology. "Oh my god," I said. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."

She shook her head and said, "No, it's okay. Really."

"I tried calling earlier, but I couldn't get through."

"Yeah, the stupid phone company cut off our service just because we were late in paying the bill. It was only twenty-two days...Well, I guess that is kinda bad. But don't worry, it's really only the voice mail that's being cut off. As long as there's someone home, you should get through with no problem."

"Damn phone company. They suck."

"Yeah."

"If you want, I'll use my Mafia connections to get it fixed." Just a corny little joke to ease the tension. I don't really have any Mafia connections.

The joke worked. Emily laughed and said, "Thanks, I guess."

"I hate that fucking operator, though. She made it seem like the problem was on my end."

"Yeah, my aunt told me the same thing. She said she had to call the phone company to make sure they hadn't cut her off."

All this chit-chat was nice, but the reason for my visit wasn't entirely social. I came to find out something, so I asked the question.

"So, uhm, I was wondering, uh, are you still planning on going to see Jeckyll & Hyde?"

"Oh, that. That's, uhm, Sunday night, right?"

"Yeah."

"Look. About that, I have to explain. It's not that...I, I just want to make it perfectly clear that I'm not looking to start a relationship with you. Of that type, I mean."

Now, tell me how I'm not supposed to feel hurt by that? How did that song go? "There's always a feeling of rejection when someone says she prefers the company of others to your exclusive company." Nada Surf. Whatever happened to them? But I digress. Quoting lyrics from novelty hits is just a way to avoid dealing with pain.

"I'm gonna be going back home for the summer," she said. "And I don't know if I'll be coming back to Buffalo next year. At this point, I highly doubt it. I think I'm gonna drop out of school—at least for a year or so. I dunno. Probably work on my parents' farm or something."

Okay, that's not as bad. I mean, Saratoga is really far away, and long distance relationships never work, anyway. Right? No matter how I may try to dress it up to myself, the truth is that I was crushed.

I think I may have begun to talk to Emily about the stuff I was writing at the time. I don't really remember. I just know that I was going for any small talk to keep my mind off my emotions. But I could only ignore it for so long. The truth was that Emily had thrust a dagger into my heart, and now the wound was beginning to infect. I had to get out of there.

I looked at my watch and acted as if it was getting late, which it kind of had been. "Well, I guess I should be heading home now," I said. "Y'know, 'cause I need to be pretending to be doing homework."

"Yeah, okay. I probably should take a shower before I go to work, anyway."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Have you ever noticed how often we say meaningless things?

I got up and started to head out the door. Then without thinking, I stopped and turned back to face her.

"I'll call you?"

"Okay. That sounds good," she said, while smiling.

I don't know why I said that. I knew I wouldn't be able to bring myself to call her ever again. Well, not for a long time, anyway. And why did she smile at me? Did she truly want to hear from me again, as a friend? Or was she just being polite? Or was she just happy that I was finally leaving?

I know the answer now, and I wish I didn't.