Inspired by the success of the new Coach USA buses used to travel from Li Loop to the Ellicock Complex, the University at Amherst (UA) has unveiled a new line of state of the art buses. These sleek, futuristic buses, which include such features as individual cup holders, extra leg room, and fancy pleather seat covers, will be exclusively used to travel from the Student Confederacy to the Uncommons during the hours of 8:00am to 5:00pm.

When asked why this particular route was chosen for the new buses, UA Vice President of Transportation Erica McGowan claimed that test marketing showed this area would prove most effective in revitalizing student morale. "We listened to the demands of the students, and the students demanded a bus to take them from the Confederacy to the Uncommons. We completely empathize. It's just too cold during the winters for them to be walking that long of a distance."

The new buses made their debut this past Thursday. Among the stylish vehicle's admirers were a large group of freezing students who had been waiting 45 minutes in the cold for a bus to take them to South Campus. "It sure was pretty," said Mary Seton, one of the onlookers. "I wish we had one."

McGowan said that Blue Bird had looked into remedying this problem, but took no definitive course of action because "no one in their right mind actually wants to go to South Campus."

These intercampus commuters are similarly receiving little sympathy from their fellow students. According to philosophy major Carlos Gallisdorf, "Everyone thinks these new buses are some sort of godsend for those of us who need this facility, but they're not. The department of transportation didn't get nearly enough buses to placate student need. Catching a bus could take up to and including ten minutes."