The situation is all too familiar. You've finished a long hard week. Your schedule was packed with soft core porn, downloading music, that class with the guy and the thing you've been known to attend, and heated debates with your roommates over the controversial cancellation of Xena: Warrior Princess. It's time to get hammered. However, your life savings consists of three dollars. Combined with the spare change at the bottom of your car and the bottles you returned the other day, your net worth comes to a mere $8.43. This is definitely not the amount needed to go out, get tanked, and dance like an asshole before passing out on your porch steps. That is, until now. Over the past few days, I have visited dozens of bars in search of the cheapest beer. After several phone numbers, nine war stories, two tragically hip cover bands, and a raging hangover, I have succeeded in finding the cheapest beer in Buffalo.
House O' Quinn
51 West Chippewa Street
Buffalo, NY 14202
885- 9721
Arguably the best Irish bar in Buffalo, House O'Quinn offers a great choice for those who hate to sacrifice quality for quantity. The staff is accommodating, knowledgeable, and friendly. Better yet, their happy hour allows you to drink as much as your liver can handle for just ten bucks from 5-7 PM. And, until March 16, you can party with the beautiful Kate who will serve you a pint of Guinness for only $2.50. If you can't make it on Friday, take a trip down on Saturday for more $2.50 pints of your favorite beer.
The specials don't end there. For those of you whose weekends begin on Wednesday, you can grab a bottle of Bud or Bud light for only $2.00, and on Thursday, pints of Bass and Caffrey's are knocked down to $2.00 as well. It's a relatively young bar that attracts the college crowd and adults in their early twenties but, unlike some North Buffalo establishments, it isn't a popular hangout for the dangerously young local high school jailbait. It's one of the few places on Chippewa that has not altered its appearance and maintained a casual, neighborhood bar atmosphere. If you only visit one bar while you are living in Buffalo, make it Quinn.
Mr. Goodbar
1110 Elmwood Avenue
Buffalo, NY 14222
882- 4000
Mr. Goodbar started Modern Music Night in 1968 and the tradition stuck, complete with $.25 drafts of Rolling Rock. Every Tuesday you can take advantage of two for one well drinks and Molsons, while being entertained by some great local bands. Return on Thursday, with your student ID, for college night, and drink a Labatts Blue or Blue light for only $1.75, or any well drink for a buck. Their Friday happy hour includes free food. Yes, free food, along with $1.75 drinks and live music by Kevin McCarthy. Its close proximity to Buffalo State College has made it a popular bar for their students, with a fair share of UB's thrown in as well. The atmosphere is laid back but at the same time crazy. So, leave the leather pants and body glitter at home, and get sweaty drinking and dancing to McCarthy, Tom Sartori, and classic rock.
Coles Restaurant
1104 Elmwood Avenue
Buffalo, NY 14222
886- 1449
At Coles, you get the best of both worlds; an amazing and affordable restaurant, along with great drink specials and a clean, upscale bar. Coles was established in 1934 and some of their bartenders boast twenty-five years of experience. They can pretty much make you anything you can think of, and more importantly, they can do it fast. Their ladies night every Tuesday allows hundreds of women to get plastered for a mere $1.00 per drink while both sexes may purchase a pitcher of Bud for only $5.00. Arrive early because Tuesday nights at Coles attract an immense crowd, forcing you to wait outside in line like a pathetic asshole while everyone else is inside, warm, and drinking heavily. Ordinarily, this large of a crowd would leave you standing at the bar for fifteen minutes waiting for a drink. However, this bar is well staffed with seasoned bartenders who can usually get your drink faster than you can ask for it. Also, after dinner hours, their dining room opens up so you can actually sit down at a table instead of being crushed against a wall, while some asshole spills his Rum and Coke down your back. Of course, the best part is you get to keep the plastic cup!
Parkside Lounge
2356 Seneca Street
Buffalo, NY 14210
826- 0142
For those of you who dare to venture past downtown and into South Buffalo, make sure you stop at Parkside. By daytime, it's a quiet and relaxed pub; by nighttime it's packed with local college students returning home for the weekend, South Buffalo residents, politicians, and your friend's grandparents. In one night, you can hear a hundred thousand war stories, drink a bottle of Labatts Blue for $1.90, and reunite with your best friend from third grade. Also, on any given day, you can buy a pint for only $1.25 or finish a pitcher for only $5.00. If these prices aren't making you salivate already, take a trip down to just to see Justin Steinwandel, the hot bartender from Canisius College who can do cool shit with bar tools. Challenge him to a game of darts and watch him beat your ass-then soothe your bruised ego with cheap beer.
Molly McGuire's
843 Abbott Road
Buffalo, NY 14220
823-2380
This establishment is the epitome of a neighborhood bar. Nestled in the middle of a residential area, it attracts a crowd mainly consisting of locals, their ages ranging from twenty-one to eighty-
one. It is also not uncommon for the staff or random patrons to buy you a drink and converse for an hour or so about anything and everything. During happy hour on fridays, you can drink a bottle of Bud for just $1.50, or, on any day of the week, have a pint of Blue for the same price. Also, owner Tim Devany sympathizes for us broke-as-shit college students and doesn't even charge a cover when featuring live music. You can catch Day for Night, an impressive Tragically Hip tribute band; or Jack Daw, which includes Goo Goo Dolls ex-drummer, George Tutuska. I arrived at Molly McGuire's with the sole purpose of interviewing the owner and left annihilated.
On the other hand, if you are a part of the rare breed of college students with cash, then you may be able to indulge yourself in a more extravagant night out.
McMonkey's and Zoobar
73 West Chippewa Street
Buffalo, NY 14202
853- 5555
McMonkey's is a huge club, and everything they do is huge. Instead of cheap-ass tee-shirts, they give away prizes like mountain bikes and snowboards, and their drinks are big, strong, and pricey. However, if you go to McMonkey's on a Friday, you can take advantage of their two for one happy hour special. Return on a Thursday, and you can see Tom Sartori, or throw back $2.00 shots of Gordy-O. While you're downtown for the St. Patrick's Day parade, stop by to check out the Miss St. Patrick's Day Bikini Contest and take in Buffalo's finest T & A. McMonkey's next-door neighbor, Zoobar caters to the early twenties crowd and is an excellent place to visit for those of you missing your dance clubs back home. Bottles of Labatts Blue are $3.25 or you can opt for a $4.00 Corona. Add twenty-five cents to that and make it a Long Island Ice Tea so you can get drunk faster and cheaper. These bars are definitely worth the trip, and your paycheck, but remember that the beads they give you at the door are only cool inside the club.
Crocodile Bar
88 West Chippewa Street
Buffalo, NY 14202
853- 2762
Crocodile Bar is the ideal place to run to when attempting to escape the college crowd-which generally happens after your first semester freshman year. Their happy hour features $2.25 well drinks as well as Blue and Bud, and extends from Monday to Friday, from 4-7 PM. On Sundays, go back to watch Strictly Hip, not only the best Tragically Hip tribute band in the city, but the best one overall. The lead singer mimics Gord Downie perfectly, right down the hand gestures and facial expressions. While you're watching the band, take a couple shots of Crown Royal for $2.50 and drink a bottle of Bud for the same price. Go there this Sunday and miss all of your Monday morning classes-it's worth it.
Finally, due to my hours upon hours of strenuous research, your days of pregamming with Natty Ice and 40oz of Old English are over. Say goodbye to stashing ten cans of Icehouse in your coat while you ride the drunk bus to main street, and cracking them open while envious passengers watch and wonder why they didn't do the same. Gone are the days of bleached blonde girls, donning halter tops in the dead of winter, rubbing their tits up against your arms so you can buy them a drink. Welcome to the new and exciting world of entering a bar sober and stumbling out completely inebriated. For the first time since you stole your roommate's books and sold them back to the bookstore, you can go out without negotiating cover charges with the staff. Now that you know where to go, scrape together some lose change, grab some friends, go out, and get sloshed!
