Sophomore Katie Reichle found herself in quite a predicament last week when, after defecating, she realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall she was in. Luckily, she had brought with her the latest edition of the campus publication The Rectum to read.

"I realized the solution to my problem was right there in my hands," says Reichle. "I mean, I know everyone says they're going to wipe their ass with the damn thing 'cause it sucks so much, especially their incredibly unintelligent entertainment section, Prodikal Moon. They're so lame, they don't even get acknowledged as an actual part of the paper. They're just an insert. But no one actually ever goes through with it. Then I thought, 'Why not?' I mean, it was either that or risk getting skidmarks on my panties."

Reichle described the event as mildly uncomfortable. "The paper was all rough, and it was hard to wrap it around my hand right. I couldn't get those smooth, continuous motions you get with perforated 2-ply t.p. I also think I got some papercuts on my ass."

The Rectum declined to comment on the incident, but sources close to the publication claim that they were happy someone finally found a use for the paper.